Red Golden Pig - part 22

Dear Keli,
I had a horrible night last night.
I think Lindsay was still drunk, she just wouldn't stop talking.
I was transferred to the Brooklyn House of Detention for sentencing this morning.
I was back in New York, at least.
I had to get out of there!
I used all the money I made on the trip to bail myself out.
I then got the police and FBI to drop their charges by entertaining them with stories of my adventures.
I am now a free (but very poor) pig.

I was able to leave the Brooklyn House of Detention this afternoon.
I don't think anyone would ever want to live there.
I hope they keep Lindsay in there a long time though.
I think she is dangerous, she is definitely no Zaha.
I ran over to the Brooklyn Promenade to see Manhattan.
I think it is such a wonderful sight!
I was so happy to see the sky exposure planes, side yard setbacks and waterfront zoning!

I have had many great adventures this past month, but I am glad to be back in New York.
I am even looking forward to going back to work, Keli!

I am kidding.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 21

Dear Keli,

I went to Washington DC.
I would make an excellent president.
I like being in charge.
I am unfortunately half Swedish, half Chinese and Half Manhattanite.
I can never be president.
I am also a pig. That may hurt too.

I saw all the monuments, they are all very crowded.
I was very sweaty.
I then saw my destiny flash before me - the Bureau of Engraving and Printing
I remembered that is where all the money in the country is made!
I think they call it the money factory.
I could make us rich!
I was so excited, I took a bad photo.
I was able to break in, using all my pig skills.
I found all the original templates for the country's money.
I had them all in my hands.
I could soon make us all the money we needed!
I unfortunately dropped one of them and the guards caught up to me.
I took too many. I was not a smart pig.
I was taken into custody.

I think I'm going to jail for a long time, at least that is what the FBI people told me.
I think you may need to send bail money.
I was given the chance to write one email, so this is it.
I met Lindsay Lohan, she is my cellmate.
I think she is scarey.
I don't know if i'll get back to work by monday morning!
I miss New York.
I hope to see it again.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - Part 20

Dear Keli,
I visited Thomas Jefferson's home in Virginia.
I knew him from Mt. Rushmore, he was one of the original people on it.
I was stuck in the rain and got very wet.
I didn't like that.
I then went to the University of Virginia, also designed by Jefferson.
I liked it there.
I was asked to give a lecture to the faculty
I talked about the effects of zoning on urban development.
I impressed them greatly.
I was asked to be a full professor on the spot!
I didn't accept, though.
I knew I had to get back to New York.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 19

Dear Ms. Keli,
I went down yonder to ol' Kentucky for a respite after all the excitement in Cincinnati.
I do declare it was quite well relaxing in Lexington.
I was driven to the countryside to view the horses.
I found them all very wonderful, but I decided not to buy any of them.
I will wait till next year, then we can enter the derby like we have dreamed of.
I spent most of my time sitting out on the veranda drinking sweet tea and mint julips.
I think ya'll should come join me down he'ar
I hear it is dreadfully hot in New York.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 18

Dear Keli,
I recovered from the beer.
I decided to go to Cincinnati before going to Kentucky.
I went to see the Contemporary Art Museum.
I didn't know I would find love.
I saw her picture in the museum's gift shop, her face was on many books.
I found her exciting, a jet-setter.
I felt she was a rambling pig too, designing buildings all around the world.
I can't deny that she reminded me of Henrietta.I asked the museum staff if she was in Cincinnati and how i could contact her.
I found out she has not been to the museum since it opened, they didn't know where she was.
I will find you someday Zaha! we are perfect for each other.

Red Golden Pig

editor's note: Red Golden Pig is probably going straight to hell for this.

Red Golden Pig - part 17

Dear Keli,

I heard ther is sum sort of arch in this city.

I came hdere, to this great citi by the Missisipee, for other reasons though.
I have three passions in life - zoneing, bowling and beerI satisfy on of dem at SOM (two on happy fridays).

I cam here to satisfy the uthers.

I went to the Internatiounal Bowling Museumm furst.

I found out aboute the hisstory of bowling, people bowled in Chyna hundreds of years ago!

I saw some of the great bowlers of the century, including Dick Webber.

I am a gredat bowler too, they let me bowl in the basement.

I got a purfect score, of course.I did knot make monee though, this wasn't a leag-sanctioned event.

I then went to the Anheuser-Busch brewery. They make 200 million galons of beer a year their.

I drank 3 percent of that amount at the bar in San Francsco last week.

I went on the ture of the brewery.
I learned how beer was made, I felt like i was lurning.

I didn't come to the breqery for learning.

I came here for the freee beer!

I went rigfht to the front of the line and ordered two kegs of beer.

I didn't even have to shosw my ID, they just gave it to me!

I also ate a lot of preetzels.

I could barely stand when they tlold me the brewewery was closing for the night.
I had a greate day.

I think I saw the arch, maybe I will go there tomorrorrow when I sobser up,.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 16

Dear Keli,

I went to the stockyards looking for Google stock to diversify our portfolio.
I didn't find any.
I was told the stockyards closed a long time ago.
I think they all moved to Wall Street.
I asked a man on the street where to get some stock.
he laughed and said "you should go to Arthur Bryants"
I went, thinking it would help us get rich!
I found out it was a famous bbq restaurant, I was very confused.
I walked into the restaurant and the man behind the counter said
"you should be on a plate!"
I became even more confused.
I then realized that people eat pigs! they call it pork. how crazy is that!
I bribed them so they wouldn't cook me and had a plate of the bbq chicken. It was tasty.
Dog with Pig Hat had the pork ribs. he said they were very good.
I think that is disgusting.

I also saw the Nelson-Atkins museum, the addition is quite nice.
I tried to get in, but the museum was closed today.
I have had bad luck with museums.
I also went to see the Yankees play the Kansas City Royals.
I cheered because the Yankees crushed them.
I also liked the hot dog race. It is famous here.
I rooted for ketchup and he won!
I didn't win any money though.
I am off to St. Louis tomorrow

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 15

I saw Mesa Verde today. It is quite insane.
I cannot believe this is allowed by zoning.
I would ask zoning guru how they zone this.
I believe it is an R3 with C1-4 overlay, but of course I defer to the zoning guru.
I believe they waved the rear yard requirement though - the houses are built right up to the hillside!
I should ask them if they need zoning advice. perhaps I can make us some money then.

I also went to Denver today, it was dark the whole time I was there. I had to leave early in the morning.
I tried to go to the US mint, but they did not let me in.
I asked why, they said "you are a friend of Keli Lin and she tried to break in many, many times!"
what did you do keli?
I am off to Kansas City, I have heard they have stockyards there.
I hope they have Google stock there. I will make us lots of money that way!

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - parts 13 and 14

part 1

Dear Keli,
I went to Zion and Bryce National Parks today.
I found them to both be really beautiful.
I played in the river in Zion.
I had a great time.
I think these photos are boring though.
I heard SOM had a party yesterday. did you go? did zoning guru and sideyard?
I bet they partied a lot.
I want to see some photos.

Red Golden Pig

part 2

I have bad news.
I was a lottery winner, but then I lost the ticket.
I was holding my ticket with me the whole time.
I didn't want anything to happen to it.
I went to the Grand Canyon, it was windy and cloudy.
I was disappointed.
I went to look over the edge and the wind took my ticket away.
I tried to grab it, but I was slow.
I was very sad, I would have made us millionaires!
I had two of the five numbers. that makes you a millionaire, right?

I went to Monument Valley after the Grand canyon. alot of cowboy movies are filmed there.
I felt like a cowboy, but they didn't have hats my size.
I liked it a lot.
I would have looked good in a hat though i think.
I would have lots of pig girlfriends then.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 12

Dear Keli,
I went to the desert today, a place called Death Valley.
I know why they call it that. It is a scarey place.
I found out the desert is not a place for pigs. the temperature was 117 degrees!
I drank all my water in about 15 minutes - 4 bottles worth.
I felt like I was standing next to an enormous hair dryer, it was very hot and windy.
I lost my sense of direction and was very thirsty.
I thought the trip was over.

then, I saw a stranger pull up in a pink cadillac.
I asked him where he was going, he sang "vegas, viva las vegas."
I thought that sounded like a better place then death valley.
I got in, he was wearing lots of sequins. they sparkled in the desert sun.
I asked where he was from, he said memphis.
I think he owns land there, a mansion or something, he said he may need some zoning help.
I offered him some money for the trip and he said "thank you, thank you very much."

I got dropped off in Vegas and the stranger disappeared down the strip. he was nice.
I tried to go into the casinos, but pigs are not allowed in casinos here.
I couldn't make any money for us keli!
I have a good poker face too, i would have done real well.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 11

Dear Keli,

I took a few days off relaxing in San Francisco this weekend.
I hung out with some skateboarders.
I had some drinks with them too.
I was still sad about Henrietta.
I had a lot of drinks actually.
I didn't do much the next day.
I was recovering.
I awoke in a magical land called yosemite.
I have never seen trees so big!
I could make a lot of dollar bills out of these trees.
I bought a lottery ticket this weekend.
I will win and make us lots of money!
I go to Las Vegas tomorrow.
I will try and make money there too.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 10

Dear Keli,
I made it to the ocean today!
I got a little wet in the water, but I am okay.
I am a good swimmer.
I think it should be renamed the Pigcific Ocean instead of the Pacific Ocean.
I will try and get that changed.
I am in Portland now and will be heading to San Francisco on Sunday, it is a lot of driving.
I will talk to you soon, hopefully I will make lots of money while i'm here.


Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 9

Dear Keli,
I was downtown in seattle buying some coffee at Starbucks.
I saw her across the street at the other Starbucks.
Our eyes met, it was love at first sight.
I had never met someone like Henrietta, we were perfect for each other.
I spent the day with her, we had dinner at the best pigpen in town.
I kissed her as the sun set over Puget Sound. It was beautiful.
but it was never meant to be. she had to stay in seattle.
I had to keep moving on to portland
I am a rambling pig.
I will always miss Henrietta though.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 8

Dear Keli,
I had an exciting day yesterday in Seattle.
I went to the Central Library, it was very nice.
I found a shirt that had a garden gnome on it in the library.
I think someone has had this idea before me.
I am much cooler than the gnome though.
I then went to the public market downtown.
I found the master pig, he is the largest piggy bank in the world and is very famous here.
I learned a great deal about how to make money from him.
I am in Seattle again today, but it is cooler out - it was very hot yesterday.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 7

Dear Keli,
I had a very long day yesterday.
I drove from Cody, Wyoming to Spokane, Washington
I saw some deer in the morning.
I thought they were real, but they weren't.
I also saw more of yellowstone, it was very pretty.
I then drove to Spokane, it was very late.
I was very tired.
I am off to seattle today to see the library.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 6

Dear Keli,
I was in Yellowstone today, there were no monkeys though.
I did see bison, they were very big.
I was driving and the bison walked right next to my car.
I was scared and didn't photograph them.
I saw lots of trees and mountains and lakes, there were many geysers too.
I had a front seat to see Old Faithful, it was right on time.
I was really the star of the show, many children asked what i was doing there. I made 36 cents today, soon we will be rich Keli!
I am off to Spokane tomorrow, lots and lots of driving.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 5

Dear Keli,
I am sorry I did not write this weekend.
I was very busy.
I saw sculpture in south dakota, they were very big.
I then went to the badlands and saw mt. rushmore, the people there felt they should add me to the sculpture.
I agreed.
I am now on Mt. Rushmore. Now people will give me lots of money!
I am going to yellowstone tomorrow.
I am excited.

Red Golden Pig
I am not really on mt. rushmore... yet

Red Golden Pig - part 4

Dear Keli,
I drove through wisconsin today.
I saw cows, they were big. they didn't like getting photographed though.
I travelled to the mississippi river, it also is big. It didn't mind getting photographed with me.
I also found a motorcycle that was painted like me. sometimes motorcycles are called "hogs";
I think that is funny, being a pig. it is like we were brothers.
I made 85 cents today. don't spend that all in one place.
I'm in Minneapolis right now. It is a big city. maybe i will make a whole dollar tomorrow.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - part 3

Dear Keli,
I traveled a lot today.
I wanted to go to the Toledo glass museum designed by SANAA but it was closed.
I sat outside waiting for a long time, but no one showed up. Toledo is pretty empty.
I then went to Detroit, it was even emptier.
I went to Cranbrook to visit a friend of mine, he guards the science musum - he didn't have the day off.
I am now in Milwaukee. I saw fireworks the whole way here, it was nice.

- Red golden pig

Red Golden Pig - part 2

Dear Keli,
I rented the car today and started the trip.
I am a good driver, except it is hard to see over the wheel.
I am a better driver than Keli.
I had a picnic at the Delaware Water Gap. There was no one there.
I made it all the way to Ohio. Zoning here is very different.
I am in toledo now. tired.
I go to detroit tomorrow. fireworks.

Red Golden Pig

Red Golden Pig - Part 1

Dear Keli,
This is your golden pig.
I have been really bored sitting on your desk for so long.
I need adventure, not just zoning.
I have decided to take a trip.
I will be back in a few weeks.
I will make a lot of money for us.
I will try to write often.

PS our money is in an envelop in your desk. i was pretty full.

Red Golden Pig

The Adventures of the Red Golden Pig - Intro

alright, so the blog hasn't been updated as often as it should have been. But, there has been a really good reason. I have had a traveling companion who has taken up a lot of my time. He is Red Golden Pig. He normally lives at SOM on Keli's desk. He was bored.
Over the last month, he has sent emails back to the office detailing his adventures. Now, they will be included here for all to see.

even more new photos

I can't seem to keep this blog updated, but the photos at least are.
soon, i promise to post for real. i promise.

http://picasaweb.google.com/fruchala

in kansas city today, that means two things - bbq and a kansas city royals game vs. the yankees. it was raining this morning. hopefully it won't tonight for the game!

photos, finally

I have uploaded a number of photos for everyone to see...


http://picasaweb.google.com/fruchala


there are two sets, "the trip" photos are your normal tourism shots. "the pig" photos are shots of my traveling companion the Red Golden Pig. he is like a garden gnome, but far cooler and with chrome paint.

on driving

a) Why is driving so tiring? I mean, seriously, it is a step up from sitting on the couch watching television. But, 10 hours of driving is harder than 10 hours of work.

b) One of the greatest freedoms we Americans have is the ability to speed on the road - speed "limits" should and are considered mere speed "suggestions". Yet, somehow, in this wonderful country, there are people who believe the speed limits should never be achieved, much less approached. When the speed limit is 50, they drive 30. Yet, what makes it worse is that they tend to do it on one-land roads - meaning others behind them are forced to also do 30 mph. This is completely unfair and unamerican.
Who are these people? These non-speeders?
They must be canadian.

c) Back east, you see few RVs. There must be 3 or 4 in all of New York City. If you are ever looking for RVs, go to Yellowstone National Park. More so than even the famous bison, there are literally thousands of them and they are enormous. They come in limitless numbers of sizes and shapes and colors. Driving one looks absolutely insane, but it still would be fun to try it. those guys from south carolina that borat found in his movie looked like they were having a pretty good time.

the wireless miracle

One of the most surprising things about the trip has been that there has been free wireless internet at every hotel I've stayed at. Two years ago, few hotels had it and if they did you would have to pay through the nose for it. Progress.
Most of the time it even works except, of course, this morning. I couldn't get online at all.
Maybe in another two years all the kinks will be worked out.

scale

Figured this one out yesterday - I've averaged about 450 miles per day of driving. This translates into commuting daily between New York and Boston. The crazy thing is that some peole actually do that commute. (and i have trouble with my 30 minute commute to work in the morning)

rem

Rem done good. The building is quite nice and lives up to everything that was said about it. What was most impressive was how many people were actually using it - the place was absolutely packed (and not just with architectural tourists). Maybe it was the 100 degree heat. Today was the hottest day of the year in seattle, but it very comfortable in the OMA glass box downtown.

bugs

Over the past few days of driving I acquired a thin layer of bug on the windshield of my car. It took about ten minutes of scraping yesterday to get it off so I could fully see through the windshield again.
The front bumper of the car looks like some sort of Jackson Pollock painting. I'm waiting until the end of the trip to deal with that.

badlands vs.

so, at the end of the day, yellowstone is beautiful, but badlands is jaw-dropping. i've never seen anything like it in my life - and they have a whole "town" of prarie dogs.

States Watch 3

ew States Visited so far - 9
Ohio
Indiana
Wisconsin
Minnesota
South Dakota
Wyoming
Montana
Idaho
Washington

idaho

if you're ever driving through idaho late at night on the interstate, you may not see another driver for about 40 minutes. it is absolutely strange.

but, if you get a chance, stop in the town of Mullan. It felt like the representative slice of small-town america. there are about 900 people in the town, a bar, a school and a little gas station.

it isn't pretty, but it was amazing to see there are actually towns like this still left.

there has been a lot of driving sight seeing these past few days, i've been completely tired when i've gotten to the hotel every night.

i promise to post more in the past few days.

seen so much lately - a corn palace, badlands, mt. rushmore, and today yellowstone...

okay, off to yellowstone

the fuzz

got a speeding ticket today in Wurland Wyoming. 76 in a 65. (yeah, right.)

$63.

i'm never coming back to this town.